I know, it's so sad.
Despite all my ramblings about how this placement has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life, I really don't want to leave! I'm only just getting used to the way things are done; I know all my pupil's names (mostly), I know the sanctions/reward system, I know the school day almost instinctively and I wake up 1/2 minutes before my alarm goes off every day. That's some serious school-day instinct.
And as I suspected, things are getting easier. No longer is it taking me 2/3 hours to plan one lesson - I can knock out an emergency wholly textbook-based lesson in under 20 minutes, which is always useful. I'm even managing to fit in some time in the evenings to chill at home (!) I know, shock horror!
However things are still challenging. It's strange - my mood seems to go in a cycle week to week, really good and upbeat for one week, the next week I seriously consider leaving the course and everything feels like a farce. But this is better than feeling like the latter all the time (like I did before), there are moments when I really, really enjoy this job.
This feels like a good time to reflect on a particularly horrid bottom-set Year 10 lesson from Tuesday. Things started of badly from last week, when I handed back their Christmas Test Papers for them to discover they all achieved between 32% and 48%, with the exception of two very hard-working girls who got 64% and 70%. The mood in the class was sour; no-one could accept that Felicia* (name change again) had got 70% without cheating or having extra help from someone.
In actual fact she did get help from someone - her school teachers. Despite being orphaned at a terribly young age, in care and from a different country altogether, she really makes a mammoth effort to succeed. She stays behind at lunchtimes and after school, to make use of extra Maths sessions that we hold for all pupils, and was so worried about the test that she was in tears on the day of the test. And as a result she scored highest in the exam and is moving up sets. And guess who's the most furious about the whole situation?
The return of Shania
I've just come to realise what a nasty piece of work Shania is. She is not in the slightest bit pleased about Felicia scoring top of the class, and herself only scoring 42% (almost bottom). As a result she has been an absolute nightmare in lessons, and last Tuesday was the worst. She made no effort to understand the work, and was up and out of her seat almost constantly, doing her African dancing and singing. I could hear her making sly, underhand comments about those around her, and kept claiming "My bones hurt, I fell down the stairs". Which I knew was a lie, but if you say that doesn't it just causes a further confrontation...?
The others were hardly any better, making comments like "Miss I REALLY don't want to be here! No-one's listening to you, I don't understand the work and I can't be bothered! Why do we have to learn this?"
... you know when you have those moments, where you can feel yourself emulating a figure of the past? It was this moment when I personified my old teachers and said;
"This will be on your GCSE exam. I'm not doing this for my benefit, I've already got my Maths GCSE."
... which I think has made them hate me slightly. But it's OK, I've only got to teach them last lesson this Friday... >.< we'll see how that goes.
In other news, I have an interview for a Maths NQT position at Wembley High Technology College! The sheer fright of it all. I'd better prepare an answer to the question "Why did you want to become a teacher?" because honestly I've got no idea...
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